The Lessons I Wasn't Expecting When I Wasn't Expecting a Pandemic

Were you expecting a pandemic. I certainly was not. Life was going along fine, relatively speaking. And then, all of a sudden it wasn't.
Over the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot and learning a lot. And when I need to process something, I often write it out. Usually it starts with a list. And this time is no different.
There are so many opinions and complaints and accusations and questions and ... well, there's another never-ending list. All of it is really too much for my brain to handle.

But these are some of the things I've found to be important lessons for me in the past few weeks - some humorous, some not. They are listed in no particular order.

• I cannot allow the chaos to overwhelm me. Yes, things are completely upside down and changing at lightning speed some days, but this season is only what I allow it to be. It will not be chaos for me.
• Other people matter. The changes, the distancing, the masks, the extra cleaning, the stay-at-home orders ... it's not all about me! It's to protect others as well.
• As much as I still feel like I will, I will not suffocate in my mask. Oy vey!
• Fresh air is a gift and I will claim it! Just because I have to stay at home, doesn't mean I have to stay inside.
• Always be prepared. I will continue to keep my running grocery list. I will not let it get too long. I will shop on a regular basis, in normal amounts, and I will not hoard, as tempting as that might be.
• Having stock in any internet or social media company would be a fabulous game plan right about now. Knowing what I actually do own stock in might also be something good to learn.
• Teachers STILL do not get paid enough and I am eternally grateful that my teen does not need my help or prompting with her school work.
• Healthcare workers are more than doctors and nurses - the list is endless and they are all immensely valuable.
• Essential workers should wear capes and carry magic wands. All of them.
• Farmers and food production workers and the logistical people to get all the things to all the places should additionally have crowns.
• As should anyone volunteering to do anything for anyone. And sparkles. They should have sparkles.
• My children should recognize who the essential workers are and tap into those fields.
• There are always rules. Whether I agree with them or not. "Give unto Caeser what is is Caeser's" applies to more than just taxes and I will do my best to follow the rules.
• And there will always be people that don't. But, as my friend, Helen, would have said: Not my circus; not my monkeys.
• I'm really glad Helen isn't here to live all of this.
• She would also tell me to keep looking for the magic.
• It doesn't matter how this virus arrived - to this country or to this community. Honestly, it just does not. It is here and that is that. I will not place blame. I will not expect anyone to fix it or prevent it. It will probably never really leave. I will pray for health and safety and deliverance from the inconveniences and deal with this as I deal with everything else: one step at a time.
• The news is not my friend. I will not be sucked in. In fact, I will resolve to continue to not indulge any more than necessary to function as a citizen.
• I'm glad I kept some of the "old school" amusements from entering the garage sale closet ... puzzles, the Wii, tabletop ping pong, Bananagrams ... we forget how good the good stuff can be sometimes.
• There will always be something to complain about and someone to do it. I will attempt not to be a complainer. Or an accuser. Or the one to judge. This is not what I was made for.
• There are people out there that are sick with various illnesses. Really sick. I thank God that it is not currently me or those I love.
• There are people that are out of work. I thank God that I am still working my two jobs.
• Distanced does not have to equal isolation. I can be creative. Meet in a parking lot. Say hello to my neighbor from the sidewalk. Drive to my brothers' house and wave from the car. Send a video. Mail a card. Host a Zoom call. Use the endless array of technology I have for something good - staying connected!
• I can visit multiple churches in one day!
• My youngest daughter is a pretty great quarantine partner. But she wins at all of the games.
• I really miss my other kids and my granddaughter. But I will leave my worries with God.
• Just because I'm not headed to the beach, doesn't mean that I can't paint my toenails and break out the sandals.
• Prepping for the day is a priority. I need to take the shower and get dressed and do my devotional and stay on my regular schedule wherever possible. Routine is my key to survival.
• As is flexibility. Oh my. I need to stay flexible.
• I have fabulous employers and co-workers and teammates and mentors. Fab.U.Lous.
• An old favorite quote I am using more: "This too shall pass."
• A new favorite quote that I hope to be using less: "I have never been so busy accomplishing so little."
• This slower social time is a great time to reflect on what is important to me.
• I really need to have 3 months of living expenses saved at all times.
• I hope I am teaching my children love and kindness and life skills - not fear or dread or ungratefulness.
• Spreading love is a whole lot more rewarding (and fun!) than spreading fear.
• I can be cautious without being in a panic or being anxious. Worry does nothing good for me.
• I can help people. Always. With nothing more than what I have.
• And there is so much creativity out there! That certainly wasn't cancelled! WOW! We have a pretty great world out there if I just open my eyes to see it!
• However, I need more music from the balconies. Thank you.
• Online core workouts aren't so bad when a friend is leading. Eventually I will get through one in it's entirety.
• People may think I'm crazy using my essential oils and DIYs, but that's OK. I was the same once. But I'm still not eating that natural peanut butter my mom sold in the health food store when I was a kid. A line must be drawn somewhere.
• Community is necessary. Connections are vital. Old and new.
• Gratitude is something I will never perfect and need to keep practicing. Daily. Hourly.
• There are people that are lonely. Even when they pretend not to be. I pray I can encourage even one.
• There are old friends that will always be with me ... even when they are not. And sometimes they will "show up" in surprising and mysterious and miraculous ways.
• My family is my lifeline ... I would be so empty without them.
• I also have great neighbors that take the time to be sure everything is OK.
• I am so thankful that I am not the one making the big decisions. May God bless those that are with His wisdom and compassion. And may He bless me with the ability to accept the decisions made.
• God has my back. Always and forever. No matter what I go through or what is going on around me, He is there with me, He will provide exactly what I need, and I will never be alone.

Now, the question is: how will these lessons change me for the better?

Just a Bench Warmer

To all of the bench warmers in the games of life ...

I know. I get it. Being a bench warmer is not fun. Not fun for the warmer to sit. Not fun for the parent to watch and feel and hear about. (Um ... proud parent of three varsity bench warmers right here, thank you!) And, I daresay, not even fun for the coach that can never make everyone happy no matter who they put out there.

We all want to be seen doing great things! But sometimes that is not the way it is. It just can't be. And, really, that is OK!! Because there are some excellent lessons we can learn from sitting on the sidelines.

So let me tell you what I see from where I sit behind you.

I see YOU.

I see you show up - for each practice, for each game.
I see you proudly wear the uniform.
I see you braid your teammates' hair.
I see you warm up with the entire team.
I see your skill and enthusiasm.
I see you hold each others' hands in unity.
I see you gather in the huddle.
I see you watching each play.
I see you carry the water bottles and pick up equipment.
I see you grab the shoulders of a team mate that is down on herself for the last play she made and make her look you in the eyes as you encourage her to get back out there and play it again.
I see the high fives and pats on the backs.
I see you cheer and yell and jump and clap and stomp your feet for those not sitting with you.
I see you experience the highs and lows of the game.
I see the respect you show to your teammates and your coach.
I see you persist.
I see you continue.

I see YOU.

Your day may or may not come on the court or the field, but you are learning much needed and sought-after life skills on that bench whether you realize it or not.

You are loved and needed by your teammates and your coach. You are all members of the same team. So you just get on out there, choose your seat, own that bench, and be fabulously spectacular doing it!

Because even if no one else does, your biggest fans see a magnificent YOU!

This morning while schools and businesses and churches and survivors may have been having a moment of silence or attending a ceremony of remembrance, I was kayaking on a nearby lake with a friend. I am about to be brutally vulnerable here.

Kayaking with a friend may not seem like a big deal to most. But it is for me. Over the past 15 years or so I have become emotionally homebound. I'm sure that's not a real term, but I that is how I can best describe it. Unless I am out doing something with my kids, it is mentally and emotionally easier for me to stay at home, away from social activities, that it is to go out and do something with friends.

You may have invited me somewhere in the past and I've said no. It's not necessarily that I don't want to ... most of the time I do in my heart! You all do such fun things and visit such fabulous places! It's just that I feel like I can't. I can't because I have to catch up on the chores. I can't because the kids need a ride. I can't because I'm afraid to leave my kids. I can't because I need to be close in case something happens. I can't because I worry about every little "what if". I can't because it keeps the peace.

I recognize that this is some form of anxiety. I get that. But it doesn't change the fact that it just is whatever it is.

I am trying harder. I am trying to say yes to more invites and no to my insecurities. I am trying to say yes to my God-given desires and no to the voice inside me that tells me I'm not worth enough to have joy. I am trying to say yes to showing my kids that we're all going to be OK - separate apart or together - and no to the fear that has held me hostage for so long.

I am a long way from where I want to be. But today, on this day of remembrance, I remember from where I have come. And right now I am where I need to be. So, please be patient with me ... God isn't finished with me yet.

Love Your Face

Love Your Face

We all want to look and feel beautiful.  And what is the first thing people see when looking at us … our face!  So it makes sense that we should take care of it the best we can.  We need to love our face!

The first way to care for your skin is to find out the type of skin you have: oily, normal/combination, dry, sensitive or sun-damaged.  Tip:  most of us have combination skin - some of our skin is oily while some of it is dry.  No matter your type, knowing makes taking care of it much easier.  And a skin care routine doesn’t have to take long … the process I use below takes less than 5 minutes! 

Step 1: Cleanse

Cleansing your face is so important to healthy skin!  If all you can do is take care of your face at the end of the day, your skin will thank you.  Trust me.  Make getting the day’s dirt and makeup off part of your bedtime routine and teach your daughters the same.  When they are 40 they will thank you!  😉  Just like the rest of your body, your skin needs the opportunity to rest, breathe, and regenerate!

Keep cleansing simple.  Find a toxin-free cleanser, that your skin responds well to and stick with it.  The ART Gentle Cleanser or the Orange Blossom Facial Wash are both fantastic choices if you are still searching.  If you are a DIY’er, you can even cleanse your skin with things you normally eat, like milk or yogurt, or with natural oils!  And adding essential oils like Lavender and/or Frankincense is the equivalent to adding super powers!

Some basic tips:

• Do not cleanse too often. Most experts agree you only need to wash your face at night to remove dirt, makeup, and sunscreen, all which can clog pores. 
• In the morning, a splash of warm water is all you need unless you have super oily skin.  If so, you may need to cleanse again.  Remember to use warm water:  hot or cold water can cause broken capillaries.
• The area around your eyes is delicate so be sure to remove eye makeup gently with a makeup remover. You can also use olive oil or coconut oil as natural eye makeup removers.  Want a super easy trick:  try these Seedlings Baby Wipes!
• If you have dry skin, consider cleansing with a cold cream.  You can easily make your own with the recipe below.  Simply apply the cream and wipe off.  No water needed.
• Most women, however, prefer using warm water to loosen dirt and clogged pores. Use a bit of cleanser then rinse. 

Step 2: Exfoliate

Exfoliation is the step many people skip but when done properly, you will notice an almost immediate difference.  How often is a personal preference.  Again, know your own skin.  It should never look red or irritated, but rather refreshed, after you scrub.

Exfoliation does not have to be expensive or complicated.  You can buy a great scrub, such as Young Living’s Mint Satin Facial Scrub, or you can make your own.  Adding essential oils can make your favorite scrub even more fabulous!

You can also use a washcloth (part of my evening routine), a natural sponge (part of my morning routine), or a bath pouf.  Again, you can use only warm water or place a dab of your favorite scrub on your exfoliating tool of choice and massage skin in a circular motion. After a quick rinse, the dry, dead skin is erased.

I tend to combine steps one and two in the evening … I use an oil or oil-based cream to remove dirt and makeup and then use a warm, wet washcloth to remove it.  In the morning, I use a natural sponge with only water in my shower and it’s just enough to freshen up my face from its overnight sleepy state.

Step 3: Moisturize

A basic rule of beauty is that if you have dry skin, you should invest in a good moisturizer.  Consider trying the ART Intensive Moisturizer if you don’t already have a non-toxic favorite.

How much should you moisturize? Again, listen to your skin. When it is tight, it's crying out for moisture and on the flip side, over-moisturizing can clog pores.

Making your own?  Nothing beats a good oil! Try extra virgin coconut oil, olive oil, sweet almond oil, or jojoba oil. Again, adding your favorite essential oil will only enhance your moisturizer and bless your skin! 

There are many women that like to also use a facial serum.  I just like the word … sounds like magic for my face!  Try out this Essential Beauty Serum or make your own!

My facial serum recipe base contains equal parts of Raspberry, Grapeseed, and Apricot oils and then I mix in Lavender and Frankincense essential oils for their fantastic skin benefits.  Research which oils might be best for you.  There are more essential oil recommendations in the Cold Cream recipe below.

So, a quick recap: 

1. Cleanse
2. Exfoliate
3. Moisturize 

You can’t get much simpler than that but this basic routine is an effective way to support and enhance that gorgeous face of yours!  Go ahead … make your face happy!

Cold Cream Recipe

1 T jojoba oil

8 T virgin coconut oil (solid)

Several drops of your favorite essential oil or combination of oils

(Great choices for skin care are:  Lavender, Frankincense, Cardamom, Roman Chamomile, Eucalyptus Globulous, Lemongrass, Neroli.

1. Gently warm the jojoba and coconut oil in a saucepan over low heat until completely melted.
2. Remove from heat and let cool for 10 minutes.
3. Add several drops of the essential oil.  (Do not add while first mixture is hot as this will decrease the effectiveness of the essential oils.)
4. Whisk until mixture thickens.
5. Pour mixture into a glass jar with cover. Refrigerate for 1 hour.
6. Can be used cold or at room temperature.

Traditionally, cold cream is applied in a thick layer over the face and then wiped off with a cotton pad; repeat as necessary to remove all dirt and makeup. Some women prefer the washcloth method: apply a thick layer then remove with a warm, wet washcloth. Massaging the face with the washcloth acts as a natural exfoliant.

Cold cream works best on combination or dry skin but can make oily skin feel greasy.

My War Room

Have you seen the recent movie War Room?  First, I highly recommend it if you haven't.  Second, prepare to leave the theater (or your couch) with your mind on (among other things) "where can I create my own?"

I've been thinking about it off and on for a few weeks.  An unused closet, as featured in the film, would be ideal ... small, private, quiet, almost secretive.  But in my reality, that is not practical.  Mainly because I don't have an unused closet.  I don't even have a real closet for my own clothes, one downfall of an older home.  Oh, we have closets:  one in each bedroom and one near the front door.  They are small, however.  And since my husband has a professional wardrobe in our bedroom closet, I have delegated my own clothing live at the opposite end of the house in the "attic", as we call it.  It's no a big deal, but no closet War Room here.

Which kept me pondering.  I have an office space that I share with the kids.  Thought about cleaning and rearranging in there a bit, but honestly, the computers would have been a distraction and a temptation (not to mention the amount of physical labor involved).  More pondering.  I could use my daughter's room ... the daughter that is newly off to college.  Nope.  She only just left.  Not an option as of yet.  Ponder some more.  Maybe I can just create a prayer caddie and take it from place to place ... to my recliner in the living room, to the patio in the summer, to the porch in the early spring or late fall.  But then I couldn't get away from the television, or post things on the walls, or count on nice weather.  Pondering over for a while.

Until , in the bedroom the other day, my eyes fell on the vanity.  It was always in the guest room in this, my grandmother's home.  It used to sit near the large window on the opposite wall and was home to a fluorescent-lit, double-sided mirror ... do you remember those ... one side is a normal mirror and the other shows every wrinkle and pore a bit larger than life?  (Just like this!  https://www.etsy.com/listing/253339652/1960s-retro-general-electric-lighted?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=vintage&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=light%20up%20mirrors&ref=sr_gallery_2).  I loved sitting in front of that mirror when I was little, pretending I was grown-up and making myself beautiful.

Now I am grown-up, or so I'm told, and during the years that we have lived here, the guest room is now the master and the vanity has become home to my socks and slips and other unmentionables.  The vintage lamps remain and I sit in the chair to pull on my nylons on Sunday mornings, but that's about it.  I rarely sit there to do my hair, or makeup, or anything else that a vanity was intended for.  Hmmm ... I wonder ...

Add my Bible, some Sharpies, some Post-Its, a couple of prayer books and devotionals, a notebook, candles, a few of my favorite things ... I've got my war room.  At least for now.  I'll have to retrain brain to find my Bible here ... or get another one ... since I'm used to doing my morning devotional over breakfast downstairs.  This, however, may create some better prayer habits without the other morning distractions.  And it's not entirely private, but it's quiet and relatively cozy.  (Wait, I should add a blanket.)

So, now that my war "room" is complete, I think I've got some praying and growing to do.  And who knows, maybe some more thoughts to blog.

You Will Never Understand

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ~ Elizabeth Stone

That feeling comes often for me, but so very much this week.  I don't know that, you - my child,  my flesh, my blood, my heart - will ever understand.

You will never know how much I prayed for you.

You will never be able to explain why I will save your baby teeth and that first lock of hair until the day that I die.

You will never comprehend that though I pretended to know all, I really knew nothing.  Nothing.

You will never figure out that I will never tire of taking your photo because I fear that I will forget all of your precious moments as I grow old.

You will never perceive how much I regret showing any little disappointment in or impatience with you - in reality, I was only seeing that in myself.

You will never see how sad I am about the time I wasted doing things I thought were important (but truly were not) instead of spending more time just being with you.

You will never be aware of the number of tears I have cried for you.

You will never believe that your accomplishments are secretly mine.

You will never understand that your pain is my pain - only magnified by a thousand; that your heartbreaks are also mine.

You will never recognize that all I want is to take that pain and the memory of it from you forever.

You will never grasp that your fears, your anxieties, your regrets are my own failures in guiding, teaching, raising you.

You will never make sense of how I wish I would have done some things so differently.

You will never begin to even fathom that my true joy is found in yours.

You will never realize how different and yet how similar you and I really are.

You will never take in how earth shattering it was for me to let go of your hand as you learned to take your first steps, or let you leave for your first day of Kindergarten, or watch you go on that last day of high school ... never mind leaving you at college.

Oh, and college ... how it kills me to not have gone myself only because I don't know how to help you through this new world.

My child, you will never understand any of this.  Never.  Until your heart is walking around outside of your body.  Only then will you understand and know how very much I love you ...

Forever and for always.

Forgive Once

I’ve been asked … repeatedly … how I do what I do; how I keep going; how I’ve gotten through the past several years.  I don’t really have much of an answer right there, on the spot – I rarely do.  So I usually just get all self-conscious and nervous and smile and say something like “It’s all God, not me” or “just one day at a time, that’s all I can do”.

But I think I found a better answer as I was finishing a novel this week.  The author wrote perfectly what’s in my heart but I can never seem to get out of my mouth.

This.  This is, for the most part, my “secret”:

… the memory of a conversation with Frank floated into her awareness.  “But how?  How can you just get over these things, darling?” she had asked him.  “You’ve had so much strife but you’re always happy.  How do you do it?”

            “I choose to,” he said.  “I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened … or I can forgive and forget.”

            “But it’s not that easy.”

            He smiled that Frank smile.  “Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting.  You only have to forgive once.  To resent, you have to do it all day, every day.  You have to keep remembering all the bad things. … I would have to make a list, a very, very long list and make sure I hated the people on it the right amount.  That I did a very proper job of hating, too. … No,” – his voice became sober – “we always have a choice.  All of us.”

~ from The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

So that’s it.  Somewhere along the way I decided that it was too exhausting to spend my time remembering all the bad things.  I choose to forgive the people, the circumstances, the pain and move on.

I try.  I’m not always successful … not even close to always … but it is something I strive for and, with God’s help, I’m able to achieve for the most part.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t remember, or that I don’t hurt when I do, but I don’t like to dwell there anymore.  At the moment, I’m choosing the here and now; praying and working toward a better day ahead.

We always have a choice.  All of us.  My choice is to forgive.