Sunday, June 27, 2010

He Loves Me Not


It's a constant, painful battle ...


He loves me ...
He loves me not.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

"When Lightning Strikes"


I feel like I don't know you, yet my love for you knows no bounds. I feel like there's a person inside of you that is a stranger to me, yet I would lay down my life for you.

I found a poem in your room while I was making your bed today. I read it and I fell in love with your words and you all over again. My cup overfloweth.

I brought it downstairs. I asked you if you had written it. You said yes but it was pathetic. I asked if it was a poem. You said it was a song. I asked you to read it to me. You said it was pathetic. I asked who told you that. You told me no one. I told you I loved it. You said I was just saying that. I asked if you had written it during a storm. You said no. I asked you to read it to me again. You said no. I asked it I could show it to daddy. You said no and it was pathetic. I told you that I loved it again. Again you said I was just saying that. I made you look at me and asked you if I had ever lied to you. You told me yes. I asked when. You couldn't tell me. I thought of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. I asked you again to read it to me - I so wanted to hear it in your own voice. You ripped it up right in front of me. My heart is breaking.

It's breaking because you don't trust me. It's breaking because you don't believe me when I say that I love your words. It's breaking because you don't believe in yourself. It's breaking because I can't give you the confidence you should have. It's breaking because I can feel the bricks and mortar you are placing around yourself. It's breaking because you've learned that from me and your father. It's breaking because I don't know how to fix that. It's breaking because I just lost a piece of you.

Today, all I can do as a mom is find those broken and torn pieces, press out the wrinkles, and pray over them as I put them back together with my hands, my tears, my love.

I love you, my little man. I will save your words forever. And I pray that one day the Lightning will make us both stronger.


When Lightning Strikes by CDS

"When lightning strikes, it makes me stronger.
When lightning strikes, it makes me stronger.
When lightning strikes ...
When lightning strikes, it makes me fearless.
It makes me fearless.
I watch it all the time. I watch it all the time.
And what makes it even cooler ... when it's raining and thundering.
When lightning strikes ...
When lightning strikes, it makes me stronger."